Update

I was walking through the market place on Thursday and met the lady who had come to me for help with moving on Monday. She approached me, and had a broad smile on her face. I knew this had to be good news! She told me that she had saught legal advice and now didn't have to move. Her happiness spread to me. I felt like I had actually done some good in this womans life, even though she didn't need the telephone numbers that I had given to her. It felt good to have an update and be a part of this womans life.

What can we do?

I finished my last post by saying that no two days are ever the same. Well, yesterday all the ministers left me to go on retreat in Derbyshire. A lady came in to our centre asking if we had someone who would drive a van to help her move house. I helped her as much as I could, but still felt that my help was not enough because I wasn't able to help her with a van driver. I hope that I managed to help by calming her down and finding prices for van hire, and man with a van. I guess I will never find out. People walk in and walk out of our centre on a daily basis. Most of them come back, but a lot we only see when they have specific needs. All I can do is pray for these people.

What a week!!!!

I'm glad it's Friday because it's been such a strange, busy week. It started with Patrick stealing the show in church on Saturday evening with his rendition of Now The Day Is Over, then he got all excited and threw a cake at Kate for spoiling his fun on Sunday, then has been angry all week. One of our other characters turned up at the end of the service on Sunday morning dressed in the classic style of an excentric English Gentleman complete with cravat, and Handkerchief coming out of his top pocket! I couldn't look at him, never mind talk to him I was so amused by him!!! The week has got busier and busier, and crazier, and crazier! It finished with me cooking the breakfasts and dinner yesterday for the breakfast cafe and Luncheon Club. We were so busy yesterday that people couldn't get into the car park with their prams and we had to open the side gate. I couldn't understand how I was managing to keep so calm. It wasn't until I was in bed last night thinking about the day that I realised that God was keeping me calm helping me to cope with the all the busyness of cooking breakfasts, setting up the room for Parent and Toddlers, and everything else that the day was bringing. God wasn't making Himself known, but He was there with me and with everything that we were doing in His name. I guess when we ask Him to be with us we expect Him, but when He turns up unnanounced, we don't always realise He was here until afterwards. I'm so glad that I am able to do what I do, no two days are ever the same.

Being told off

I'm reading a book at the minute by General william Booth called Letters to Soldiers. I felt well and truly told off by the General the other night because he was telling the people off for being shy. This is something that I have a problem with. I just find it difficult chatting with new people, I find it hard to think of things to say, and worry that I look silly for saying silly things. But the really strange thing is that at work, if someone comes in wanting help I can talk to them really easily! The general said that the people shouldn't worry about looking silly in front of people when they are working for God. This made me think. There's times when I sit at home going over things that have happened in the day, and I really beat myself up about it. I think this is something that I need to work on in myself.

No excuses

As I was growing up, I was, and still are at times, the master of excuse making! If anything went wrong and I got the blame an excuse would come out straight away! Although when I was in the infants at primary school I used to just wander round the room and when asked what I was doing I wouldn't have an excuse.

Anyway, I don't have any excuses for not blogging for the past week, I just haven't been inspired. I can't even say I've been busy because I haven't! Well anyway, I was talking last night to someone about problems. My friend said that Jesus must have broad shoulders because He is able to bear the worlsd problems on them. That made me think. Maybe our problems seem big to us, but when put into the hands of the one who can do the impossible, they become extremely small. I don't know, just a thought.

Reflections

I've not long come back from a Salvation Army holiday at Butlins, Bognor Regis, and I am really really tired! I really don't know what I've done all week except band practice, going to band and songster festivals, and the late night sing a long. I got out of bed around 8 am and didn't go to bed until after midnight. This is highly unusual for me because I'm usually in bed around 10pm.

I don't think there was an official theme for the week, but one that kept coming up was evangelism. I think it's all too easy to get fired up for evangelism, but it's a lot more difficult to actually do it when you're back home in familiar surroundings with people you actually know. I don't really have this problem because my job involves being there for people in my community when they need me most, but I wonder how many of the people will actually do anything about what they've learnt at Butlins. During the Sunday meetings I felt encouraged that old people were going forward to pray at the front in response to God's promptings. Throughout my life I've always had the impression that old people either have their spiritual lives sorted out with God or just not bothered about Him. I'm glad that this has been shown as not always being the case.

Looking back

I was looking through my prayer diary last night at the first couple of entries in it. It made me smile because it said things like I'd upset Bram and things. This obviously made an impression on me if I felt the need to pray about it! I was also upset because I hadn't spoken to anyone in church and felt let down with myself because I hadn't been confident enough to make the first move! I don't have these problems anymore. I can always find some subject to talk to people about, but then I do see them in the week at work and things. As for the upsetting Bram thing, well, we've been married 18 months now so am past the honeymoon period! If I upset him then that's what life is about.

During the collection in church this morning the sound man played a song called "I'll not turn back" This song was appropriate for my life today, and really felt God speaking to me through. There's a line in it that says I'm called to live, to love, and save the lost. This was my feelings when I started my diary last December, and still are today.

Grace

I was in the office today, and Bram asked me for a sweet. I then asked what he'd done for me that day, to which he said nothing, but I should give him a sweet because of grace. I feel that I need to add that I'm not a selfish person, I was only messing about, but Bram's answer got me thinking.
Isn't it a good job that when we pray, asking for things that God doesn't ask what we've done for Him that day, or week, or even month. He simply gives it to you if He thinks it's what you need. Thank God for grace :-)

I was collecting money today for The Salvation Army's Annual Appeal, which is a big time of collecting money in various places during September. A man came up to me to put some money in my box and said something that got my mind racing! In fact, it kept my mind occupied during the quiet times when no one wanted to put any money in my box. He said "It's not a lot, but it's all I've got" There is a story in the Bible about a child who gave all that he had to Jesus. This child though, gave everything he had, even before he'd taken what he wanted from it, and Jesus used it to feed 5000 people. Sometimes we sing a song with a chorus that says these words -

1.
And is it so? A gift from me
Dost thou, dear Lord, request?
Then speak thy will, whate'er it be:
Obeying, I am blest.

Chorus
I have not much to give thee, Lord,
For that great love which made thee mine:
I have not much to give thee, Lord,
But all I have is thine.

2.
And dost thou ask a gift from me:
The talents I possess?
Such as I have I give to thee
That others I may bless.

3.
And dost thou ask a gift from me:
The gift of passing time?
My hours I'll give, not grudgingly,
I feel by right they're thine.

4.
And dost thou ask a gift from me:
A loving, faithful heart?
'Tis thine, for thou on Calvary
For me with all didst part.

Richard Slater (1854-1939)

I feel that God deserves all that we can give to Him, after all, He gave everything He had to us. Our everything means before we take some out for ourselves, not what is left at end when we've finished with it.

Reluctance

I was reading an article in a magazine last night, and suddenly said out loud "That's me!" The article was written by a man who was talking about his reluctance to obey God's calling to full time ministry within The Salvation Army. This man put my mind at rest that I'm not alone in feeling this way. There are times when I don't want to be a Salvation Army officer, but during these times, I never doubt that it is what God wants from me. I don't even doubt my ability to do the job any more, because the job that I'm doing is similar to what a minister would do, although I know that a minister would do more. It's just that it's not what I would have chosen for my life if God didn't hadn't revealed his plans for me.

Where's the time gone?

Wow! It's Saturday already!!!!! This week has flown by! I haven't really done much this week either really! I'm leading the afternoon service tomorrow and I've had it planned since last week so I haven't had to bother with that. It's been busy at work and so I think that could be why it's flown. If the time keeps going like this, it'll be December before I know it!

What a day!

I'm glad today is nearly over! My church ministers are away, and so are the trainee ministers. (I think that's a correct term for them) This means that I'm in charge at church during the mornings because I'm the paid community worker in church. The morning was going quite well until a man who comes in regularly for help came in. He seems to have latched onto me which is quite scary. He comes in asking for me. Usually I will get one of the other workers to deal with him. (This is because he once asked me out for a meal after I gave him a food parcel and my husband said that I needed to keep my distance with him.) He tried to get my sympathy by kissing my hand which I pulled out of his grip quickly! I gave him what he wanted and he was on his way. It's funny how this kind of made me feel that my day wasn't going so well.

I then had to lead Mid Week worship. This a midweek service for anyone who wants to attend. This didn't last as long as I wanted it to, and two people fell asleep during it! Oh dear.

Emerging Hamsters

Henrietta escaped again this week! I thought that she needed her home cleaning out so I put her in her ball so that Bram could clean her out. Trouble is, Bram got so into doing something on the internet that he didn't realise that Henrietta was out of her ball! I had gone upstairs to have a bath, and when I came back down the stairs the ball was in the middle of the floor with the lid lying at the side of it but no Henrietta. I started calling her name, grabbed her treats (a trick I learned from a 9 year old) and when I caught sight of her, she was by the computer! She must have walked past Bram as he was so engrossed. I started putting a trail of treats from where she was to the ball, and sure enough, Henrietta followed the treats and got back in the ball.

Church people can be a little like my Henrietta. They long to escape what they see as the trappings of church, and when the church isn't looking, they make a run for it. As the church family, we should use "treats" to entice them back, although I don't think it would be as easy with people. Henrietta is a well behaved Hamster compared to some I've had in the past. She is very easy to put back in her home after escaping. Maybe if we catch the people before life away from God becomes too familiar it will be easier to get them back.

Are my Morals Too High?

I went to my parents at the weekend which was nice. I caught up with a few friends and family while I was there. I found it funny that my life has moved on so much since I left Coalville 18 months ago. Not only my life, but I've changed as a person as well. I hope I've changed for the better!

While I was at my parents I had a text message from a friend telling me she was leaving her husband to move in with her boyfriend. I found this difficult because I don't agree with moving from partner to partner. I think this was more the problem for me than the fact that she was leaving her husband. I couldn't offer my congratulations because I didn't feel happy for her! Needless to say I don't think she's my friend anymore, although I will try to make contact with her.

Paradise

Today the Paradise Zone (our Corps youth club) went to Paradise Park. I don't know where this is, but it's outside London. The kids had a good day. We fed the animals, went paddling in the paddling pool, then it was time to go home. It doesn't sound like we spent long there but we were there for 4 hours.

I was with a group of 5 year olds. I can now see why it's a good idea to wait for a while before I have my own kids! They're sooooooooooooo demanding! It's good to be able to offer these opportunities to these kids. Opportunities with no strings attached. These kids don't have to attend church to be able to be a part of our activities. Hmmmmmmm, I'm beginning to sound like Gordon from www.urbanarmy.blogspot.com! Scary!

Silence

Sometimes I'm not a big fan of silence, I don't always know what to do withmyself in the silence. I get bored and don't know what to do. I like to keepbusy because then I don't have to think. Silence is not something thathappens much in society today. We almost have entertainment on tap. We can switch the television on and be entertained by that, or the radio, or put aCD on to listen to. All of these things are good, but we still need time out from the world.This week I've been involved in a kids club at my Corps for children agedbetween 5 and 9. Silence has definitely not featured at any time during theclub, but this was good because it was a sign that the children are havingfun. But tonight I was sitting at reception at my local Salvation Army Detoxcentre and it was silent! Well, apart from the whirr of the computer and thefan behind me it was anyway. I had a song going round in my mind. The words are something like this -

In the secret in the quiet place
In the stillness
You are there
In the secret in the quiet hour I wait only for You
’Cause I want to know You more
I want to know You
I want to hear Your voice
I want to know You more
I want to touch You
I want to see Your face
I want to know You more

I am reaching for the highest goal
That I might receive the prize
Pressing onwards, pushing every hindrance aside
Out of my way
’Cause I want to know You more

It's good to be noisy, but it's also good to spend time In quiet so that we can rest in God's presence getting to know Him a little better.

Time Out

Today has been a good day. This morning everyone was really chatty and noisy but this afternoon was totally different. We had a prayer meeting this afternoon. A time to reflect on our needs and the needs of others. As usual my mind was wandering. I was thinking about my assessment conference in December. That's a big weekend in December, and the final result of it is whether you get accepted into training for Salvation Army officership or not. For some reason I was worrying about how I would feel afterwards. I wasn't wondering how I would feel during it though. I'm so strange sometimes! I decided that I would feel disappointed and gutted that I hadn't (or had) said certain things. The main thing for me to concentrate on now is preparing myself for it.

It was really good to be able to take time out of the busy week we've just had, and are going to have and concentrate on God. It's a biblical principle so why don't we do it more????

Worry

If God us not to worry, why does He give us so much to worry about? I worry that my study papers won't be in on time, worry about whether I will be accepted into training, worry about whether Henrietta will escape, worry about whether I will fall off my bike. As I type this all my worries come back.

I guess what brought this on is something I was reading last night. The Bible tells us to be still and know that God is God. The reading suggested that what was meant was to rest in God's presence. As we rest in God's presence and give all our worries to God we should remember that the Bible also says "Is anything too hard for the Lord?" When we allow God to do what He can do, amazing things happen!

I did it

I did it! I worked the Salvation Army emergency van! The electric went, we had no running water, but we coped. I just hope the people who had some food from us are ok today! It's funny how in emergency's everyone pulls together. I just wondered how the emergency van people during the war coped with serving teas amid sounds of bombs and gunfire! I guess they just got on with it praying for their protection!

Doing my bit.

Tomorrow I'm doing my bit for The Salvation Army Emergency services. I will be working on the emergency van providing tea, coffee, and a few cooked things. After agreeing to go on it I realised how difficult it would be to get to the van because of the chaos on the underground, so I got Bram to come on it with me. I always feel better when he's around. (Can't you tell we've only been married 17 months!!!!) I don't think it will be too busy so hopefully will have a good time on the van.

Since coming to Poplar I've done a couple of things that I've always wanted to do. I wanted to help out at a centre on Christmas day serving meals to people, and I did that last Christmas. I've also always wanted to help in an emergency van and get the chance to tomorrow!