All alone

I was watching the only soap opera that I follow tonight and was reminded of when I had my last operation on my ear. The reason I was reminded of this was because one of the new characters had to have an operation on his ear and the bandage brought all my memories flooding back. I could even remember how I felt after coming round from the op. I think my operation was on a Friday afternoon, and I was still living at home at the time, so Bram was around 300 miles away. I came round from the op and asked if my Mum was coming to visit, and the nurse told me she was. I kept myself awake for over an hour waiting for my Mum and Dad to arrive, but they didn't come. This was the only time that I've ever been in hospital and not had any visitors. My Mum came to collect me the following day, but I just remember the feeling of being abandoned and alone because I hadn't had any visitors. But really, there are plenty of people who sit at home all day never seeing anyone, or not having any friends or family to care for them. This is why I try to talk to people who come into our centre. I don't find it particularly easy to talk to people I don't know, but I try to anyway, because I may be the only friendly face that that person sees that week or day.

How Big Is God?

The past couple of days, I've been thinking about my idea of who God is. In house group this week, someone said that our idea of God is usually influenced by our earthly parents. I've had a good childhood, and a good relationship with my parents, but I didn't really start to form a 'real' relationship with God until my relationship with my Dad was difficult, and I suddenly realised that my Dad wasn't superhuman after all! In some ways, God became this superhuman Father who I could totally depend on when I needed Him. I also started to seriously study the Bible at this time, and discover things that I had never known before.

To change the subject slightly, I had a discussion with a couple of children last night about what God looks like. The children told me that God is an old man with a long white beard. Now I've heard this before from different people, and if I'm honest, I sometimes think He looks like that. But why do we think God looks like a gentle old man? The Bible doesn't indicate anywhere that this is true? And if I'm honest, I don't really like the idea of praying to a gentle old man. I like the picture of a lion. I think Aslan in The Chronicles of Narnia film comes quite close, although I'm struggling with the fact that I'd like to think that God would put up more of a fight for me than Aslan did for Edmund, but God see's the bigger picture and knows the consequences of His actions, and so something that looks weak in the short term, looks much stronger in the long term.

Looking around

Recently I've had a couple of people tell me that they didn't know that The Salvation Army was where it is. When they asked me how long it had been on the site that it is on, I wasn't sure whether to tell them that actually has been where it is since the 1920's!!!! This makes me wonder what sort of places I have missed as I've travelled around.

Moving forward

I got my Candidate final application forms today in the post. When I was given my initial application forms I was really nervous about filling them in. This was because I was really nervous and scared of what God was going to ask of me. I was so nervous I was late in getting the forms back to DHQ, which wasn't a good thing, and suffered the consequences of this. Now it's a different story. I can't wait to get them filled in and sent back to DHQ. I've now got the problem of biding my time before filling them in because I don't want to appear too enthusiastic! However, I think I will get them filled in and sent back so that I can concentrate on more important things in my life right now, like writing an essay on Jeremiah which I've had for absolutely ages and really really need to get it done.

Am I soft?

Recently I've been accused of being tough with people, and saying no to loans of money and things. This kind of made me think. When I arrived at Poplar Corps in 2004 I had what could probably be seen as a very idealistic view of The Salvation Army and it's mission. I also think it's fair to say I had a very limited view. Now, after nearly 2 years here, I would like to think that I have grown as a person, grown spiritually, and maybe more importantly, am less naive.

As I've said before, it winds me up when I think that people are taking advantage of my good nature, and also the charitableness of The Salvation Army. If people are grateful for something that you do for them it makes it more worthwhile, but it also makes me willing to go the extra mile for them.

Take today for example. I handle the room bookings at my Corps, and had a telephone call from an organisation that I personally am not too pleased with at the minute. However, I was willing to bury my feelings for the duration of the call and listen to what this woman wanted from me. She basically wanted to hire a room on Wednesday morning for an hour, to which I agreed. Then I had a phone call from the people that she had rang on behalf of. Now because the second woman was so grateful for allowing the use of the room, I was willing to do a little more for them. This got me wondering whether I am still basically the trusting, naive person I was 2 years ago, or has this quality been developed to allow me to deal with people God's way? Answers on a postcard please.

I love Sundays

I love Sundays. I always have done, even when my Mum used to drag me out of the church service to smack me when I'd been naughty! I think it's got a lot to do with being part of a community that has a common aim.

I used to go to see Leicester City FC before I got married, and even though it was being part of a community with a common aim, it wasn't the same as being in church.

Today has been a good day at church, even though I've got a cold, can't stop coughing, sneezing, or blowing my nose, I've enjoyed being in church.

What Have You Done For Him Today?

I've had various conversations recently concerning the question "What have you done for God today?" The thing is, that I think that we don't always realise that we are doing God's work. I also think that it should come so naturally that you shouldn't always realise that it's the Master's work. In some way's we should be like the woman in the Bible who washed Jesus' feet with her tears. Washing feet was the custom in Bible times, although I'm not sure that Jesus had His feet washed with tears very often.

If I'm totally honest, I can't really think of any specific thing that I have done for Jesus today. I've given my time to a few people today, a listening ear, picked up jumble, cooked Bram's tea, but these all seem to be mundane every day things. I'm so glad that accepts these as offerings of worship to Him. So what have you done for Him today?

Busyness

Busyness is such an understatement describing the day I've had today! I love being busy, but there have been times today that it has just been ridiculous! I've had room bookings to deal with, things to go out and buy for our charity shop, And all sorts of other things going on around me!

I think one of my highlights of today has to be the time I gave to our lunch club people just talking to them. There are a few people who come early just so that they can break up their day. The least I can do is give them a few minutes of my time. They usually teach me a thing or two!

It's Kids Club tonight. I wonder what's going to happen there tonight.

Despite today being so hectic, God was right there in the middle, even when I wasn;t listening.

Searching for Peace

As I've said in an earlier blog, I've been worrying about something since the weekend. Today, I finally found the peace within the situation although I wasn't really thinking about it. God is right in the middle of our situation, and I know He's in control.

Maybe this was to prepare me for the stress I got later! I can now see why people are so against Poplar Harca. I don't think the left hand knows what the right is doing. To find out what stressed me out, click http://captdoc1.blogspot.com

Ralph's funeral

Today was Ralph's funeral. Ralph visited our coffee shop regularly, and is someone I will never forget for a number of reasons. One of those is the conversations we had. He spoke with a Newcastle accent, and also spoke really fast which people found difficult to understand. Oh yeah, he also spoke quietly, which posed another problem. But Ralph just came to us for a friendly face. He didn't come for help with anything, but wanted to have normal conversations with people.

Bram did his funeral, and the sad part is that only Bram, and the funeral director were there. This man, who had become part of my life, must also have been part of a lot of people's life's. We are here for these kind of people, the one's who have no one else in their lives.

For Bram's account of the funeral, please go to http://captdoc1.blogspot.com

Worry, worry, worry

Today I have been thinking again about my future. This causes me to worry. What will God ask of me? Where will he take me? I have a dread in my mind about something that may happen to me. The thing is, that I could say no if this thing is proposed to me, so why do I worry about it? So many questions, but the thing to remember is that I'm in God's hands. That should give me confidence to face anything that I may face in the future.

This blog wasn't meant to be quite so cryptic! I've got a headache now, where's the Paracetamols????

Looking back

I had to go to Queens Hospital, Burton on Trent, Staffs yesterday. The appointment was at 9am so I stayed over at my Mums on Thursday night. I had a real trip down menory lane. On Thursday, we went for a meal at a place that I used to go to regularly. (Not McDs!!!) I saw someone there I used to work with, although I'm not sure he recognised me. Then yesterday I partook of my favourite pastime, SHOPPING. Me and my Mum wen t shopping in Burton. I used to go there lots before I was married. My life was completely different then to how it is now. It's nice to indulge in things you really enjoy. Shopping with Bram is nothing like shopping with my Mum. He drags on behind, getting on my nerves, commenting on the things I want to buy. My Mum encourages me to get things! Mind you, she also pays a lot of the time as well.

It's good to look back to how things used to be somethings. I think it helps you to reassess the person you have become, and of course the reasons you are how you are. I think that Lots wife turned into a pillar of salt when she looked back at the burning city of Sodom, because she was told not to look back, but move forward quickly.

Reflections on Reflections.

Last night it was my turn to lead reflections before kids club. We've started doing reflections before kids club, and take it in turns to lead them. For mine I used the poem If a child lives with.

If a Child Lives With...
If a child lives with criticism… He learns to condemn.
If a child lives with hostility… He learns to fight.
If a child lives with ridicule… He learns to be shy.
If a child lives with jealousy… He learns to feel guilty.
But If a child lives with tolerance… He learns to be patient.
If a child lives with encouragement… He learns self-confidence.
If a child lives with praise… He learns to appreciate.
If a child lives with fairness… He learns justice.
If a child lives with approval… He learns to like himself.
If a child lives with security… He learns to have faith.
If a child lives with acceptance and friendship… He learns to find love in the world.

I then went on to say that children are watching us all the time and learning from us. In the same way, adults are learning from us. They look at us and see the way Christians live their lives.

This week I have had to say no to a couple of people because they have wanted something that I feel would not be good for them (Or The Salvation Army here in the long run). They both involved the loan of money. The first one had just been given a bag of tinned food, then he left the building, then returned quickly asking to borrow £1.50. I know this is not a lot of money, but this person is a known alcoholic. I feel that I would only be funding his alcohol addiction, and that is not what we are about here. Besides which, through past experiences of others at the centre, £1.50 doesn't stay that amount. The person will probably then want to borrow more and more money until it becomes impossible for them to pay it back. This person was begging me to borrow it, I think trying to wear me down, but that doesn't work with me, it just makes me cross and more adament that I'm not going to lend money to them.

The other instance was someone well known to us. He has mental health issues, and also has a problem with budgeting his money. On Monday Bram had promised him a dinner, but after telling our cook, was told that he couldn't have one. Because Bram had promised him a dinner, I felt obliged to provide him with a meal of some kind, so I let him have a breakfast on the promise that he would pay us for it on Thursday. This would be ok, but yesterday he wanted another breakfast on the same terms. I then had to explain why I did it on Monday, but couldn't do it on Tuesday.

After thinking these two instances through, it left me wondering the old question What Would Jesus Do? Jesus had the benefit of being God, and so saw things through God's eyes. Jesus would know what the consequences of giving people what they asked for was. I just wonder He would have done in these instances.

The Future

I've been thinking this weekend about what my future has in store for me. I don't know what will happen to me tomorrow, never mind in 5 years time. I was at the welcome to the High Council (The group that meets together to elect the next General of The salvation Army) on saturday, and was wondering whether Bram and I would ever be on it. Now this sounds big headed, and at the minute I know that I don't have the skills to lead a whole territory, but who knows what has happened to the members in their lives to prepare them for this current moment in time. God can, and does use anyone who is willing to be used in any way for Him.

Another thing that I wonder about is overseas service. Bram is a qualified Psychiatrist, and so has specialist skills. All I can say is that I am willing to go wherever God sends us. God has a plan for our lives, and it says in Jeremiah 29:11 'For I know the plans I have for you," says the LORD. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.' (New Living Translation) It also says in Proverbs 16:9 "We make our own plans, but the Lord decides where we will go. " (CEV) This last verse is important because no matter what we plan, if God hasn't planned it, then we will fail.

Neat and Tidy

I set the chairs today in our hall ready for worship on Sunday. It's strangely satisfying getting the rows lined up, making sure each row is straight and in line with the one in front. If I don't, I only end up not being able to concentrate on worship on Sundays because I'm worrying about out of place chairs! Hmmmmm, I need to get some new interests in life!!!!

Things will never be the same.

Today I've been thinking about how to advertise the Luncheon Club. I've come up with lots of different idea's, which I've also thought through, and thought of the consequences. I also need to think about why I want the Luncheon Club to grow. It's not about raising our profile within the Salvation Army, but there is a deep need for friendship within our area which I think we can provide. So I'm going to work through the list, and trust God to do His will within our Corps.

What's been happening

After finishing yesterdays post, I realised that I haven't posted since November last year, so here's a quick summary of December. The first weekend in December, I had my assessment conference. This is a weekend of interviews, written projects, and group work that I had to do as part of my application to become a Salvation Army officer. I was really nervous when I arrived, which didn't help, because I was also about ten minutes late, even though the college is only about half an hours drive away. But as the Saturday went on, I began to relax. There were a couple of the assessors that I knew, which helped me to relax, and also, I wasn't the last to arrive! The last person to arrive was a friend of mine, and so now I was happy. The weekend was so relaxing it was unbelievable. We had a timetable to let us know when our interviews were and where, but after that, it was up to us to organise our time to complete written work. My result from my assessment conference is that I have been recommended for training!

December is also the time of advent. So in true Salvation Army style, our little band was out carroling. But also, our Corps organises a meal on Christmas day,and also puts on some entertainment. The day is mainly for old people, or people who would be on their own on Christmas day. December seems to be a month of parties. The Kids club party was fancy dress, and I went as a bear. I was going to go as a reindeer, but we already had 2, so I opted for a bear. We also had a parent and toddlers party, and a Christmas meal for our Lunch Club and the volunteers, which went well. Christmas is such a busy time that if we're not careful, we lose sight of the reason we celebrate.

Today.

Today so far has been interesting. It started off with me trying to think how and where to advertise Luncheon Club. Then our cook went home and so I needed to help with Parent and Toddlers which I don't really enjoy, but hay, we all have to do things we don't want to do sometimes!

This evening I've been avoiding writing an essay. I know I need to do it, I also know I can do it, but I just don't have the motivation. So instead, tonight was spent ironing clothes and watching TV. The lengths I'll go to to avoid doing somerthing!!!

I'm a spoiled brat!

For the past year or so, I've wanted to get a car of my own. Before I moved to London I sold my precious car, thinking that I wouldn't need one, but more recently I've yearned after getting my own car. I now have a Perodua Kelisa, which if I'm honest, was Bram's choice of car. I'd never heard of them, but decided that if I wanted a car then I just had to go along with what he wanted. I'm glad that I got it on Saturday, because I was able to go to my cousin's enrollment as a soldier of the Salvation Army which was really good that he's finally made the decision to commit himself to God and the church.